United Kingdom of Zoo - S01:E03: Glenda (50 yr old Irish nutjob)

The beautiful scenic views of the Irish countryside.  We’re on the hills outside Londonderry in the north west of Northern Ireland.  It’s warm and sunny, but a wind is whipping across the open countryside and causing us a few problems with our sound.

It’s also causing a few problems for our latest subject.  Her long blonde hair being flipped across her face.  She’s middle aged but in good shape, her make-up is a little overdone, particularly her fire-engine-red lipstick.  She speaks with a strong Northern Irish accent, pleasant and clear, and very easy to understand, and she constantly has a look on her face that suggests she’s about to jump on you.

“I’m Glenda Kelly.  I work here at the (bleeped out at the hotel’s request) resort just outside Londonderry in beautiful Northern Ireland.  I’m 50 years young, and I’m a basket case full of fun!”

We watch Glenda at work – talking to staff and guests at the hotel as she organises the kitchen and dining room for the day ahead.  She’s got a lot of energy and she clearly thinks she is the life of the party – even when there’s no party.  Occasionally we cut back to Glenda talking direct to camera in the foyer of the hotel, huge smile.  The whole time Glenda is monologuing over the top.

“I suppose you could say that I’m a little larger than life.  I like taking charge.  I like to organise people and things.  Some people say I’m a control freak – some just say I’m a freak… (she laughs at her own comment)…  I’m 50 years young and I’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months.  Some people might think that’s sad but I don’t mind.  I like meeting new people and if they don’t love me that’s not my problem.  I don’t want to just settle for someone who can tolerate me – I want to be with someone who wants to be around me…”

Her workmates think that she is appearing on a BBC documentary about single women looking for love – which is true, sort of.  They offer differing opinions.

“She’s hard work.”

“I can’t imagine anyone being able to put up with her personality.”

“She’s got a lot of energy – she’d need a very ‘energetic’ partner.”

“I think she’s looking for love in the wrong places…  I don’t think she needs a man…  She doesn’t vibe that way to me…  I think she’s maybe a lesbian and perhaps doesn’t even know it.  I definitely think she doesn’t like men though.”

And back to Glenda, for just a second she hasn’t got a wide smile on her face.  Contemplating.  “All my life I’ve been looking for someone special, but the only love I’ve ever really had – real, unconditional love – is from my dog, Sally.  She’s always happy to listen to me talking, or to go for a walk, or to jump on the bed and cuddle up at night.”  She looks around to make sure no-one can hear her.  “I know this show is for doggy virgins – but is it alright if I admit that I’ve let Sally lick me?  It’s amazing, I let her do it all the time.  Pretty much every evening.  No man can match that.  If only she had a cock!”

Have you often thought about having sex with a dog?

“Yes.  Since I started letting her lick me it’s the only fantasy I have.  To be on my knees, being dominated by something that doesn’t care what I say or who I am.”

How would you react if I told you that we’ve talked to the resort manager and arranged a few days off for you…  (she smiles)…  So that you can come with us to the mainland – and we can introduce you to a particularly friend dog…  (the smile grows)…  Who has been trained to give you the pleasure you dream of.

“That would be my dream come true.  Yes…  Yes please.  That would be AM-AZE-ING, oh my God.”

We’re in a car, driving from Manchester airport up to Oldham.  Glenda is on one of her monologues, full of energy and gestures.

“I wasn’t sure if I should admit this.  But one time I was dating a guy who had a dog, and every time I was left alone with it I would feel it up.  Sometimes he’d come back into the room and the dog would have a half-boner and I’d have to act shocked rather than excited…  One time I managed to lick the dog’s balls before he came back…  If he’d stayed out another 5 minutes I would have started sucking the dog’s cock.  I’ve always wanted to do that.”

“I’ve probably felt up half a dozen dogs over the years but I’ve never had the chance to take it further.  I think if I’d told the guys who owned them they might have let me do it.  It might even have helped the relationship last, but I never felt comfortable telling any of them.  Imagine being rejected for being too slutty…  I couldn’t handle that.”

When you sent in your application, can you remember what you wrote in the additional comments section?

“Yes…  Yes, I remember that.  I said, I’d love to be on your show and to have sex with a big dog.  A a Great Dane or a Rottweiler or an Alsatian…”

We arrive in Chadderton in Oldham and turn onto a nice street of semi-detached home.  Three bedroom houses with small gardens to front and to the rear.  We count the numbers to the right house and turn onto a short driveway.  We’re greeted by Kevin, a middle aged, bespectacled accountant, and behind him, peering out of the front bay window, the hairy figure of Vader the Alsatian.  Glenda spots Vader immediately.  “It’s an Alsatian!  I fecking LOVE Alsatians!  They’re so sexy!”  Inside the house we can see Vader is wagging his tail – he can sense that Glenda is there for him and it looks like he likes her as much as she likes him.

Glenda greets Kevin, thanking him for letting her play with his dog…  Then she’s straight inside to say hello to Vader.  By the time we’re there with the cameras she’s already sat on the floor with her long legs stretched out in a V – with Vader sat infront of her, between her thighs, as she hugs him and fusses over him.  She looks round at us as we enter, huge toothy smile – she SO happy to be here.

Do we need to ask if you’re happy?

“Honestly, this is the perfect dog for me.  If I could have picked any dog, I would have picked this one.  He’s gorgeous!”  She says before returning to hugging the hairy beast.  He in turn seems happy to be fussed over.  Panting and pawing at the mad blonde lady as she pants and paws at him.

So if tonight is a success, will it change your life?

“Absolutely 100 %.  If this is as much fun as I hope I’ll be getting a dog of my own and I’ll swear off men for good!”

She’s on her feet undressing to reveal small tits and a surprisingly flat stomach, well trimmed pussy, strong looking legs…

“I use the gym at the resort every day.  It’s so important to stay in shape – keeps the men looking…  Do dogs care?  I don’t think they do, but the better shape I’m in, the more fun I can have with them, right?  He looks in excellent shape.  I bet he can fuck all night…  I hope he can!”

A few minutes later, she’s on her knees, Vader on his side next to her.  She’s jerking his cock in its sheath, working on building an erection.  Kevin offers a few words of advice, ‘jerk it faster’, ‘stop when it’s about an inch out’, ‘you can give it a little suck if you like’

This last comment, delivered with the tip appears, produces another big smile from Glenda.  “I thought you’d never say that…  I can’t wait for this.  To taste it…”  And suddenly she’s bent over the animal, her head against his belly.  We can’t quite see what she’s doing, but it’s obvious enough from her moans.  She sounds like she’s eating the greatest confectionary of all time.  “Oh, my God, that’s an amazing feeling…”  And back to sucking…

Don’t let him get too big or hard – you’ll never get him to fuck you…

She assumes the position, on hands and knees, and slaps her arse – calling for Vader to “Come and fuck me, big boy…”

Vader doesn’t take too much tempting – he’s over to her and trying to mount almost right away.  It takes him a few attempts before he manages to get astride her back, then a few more tries before his cock gets anywhere near her glistening pussy.  She get a bit frustrated.  “How hard is it to just fuck a pussy that wants to be fucked?”

Finally, with a little help from Kevin, Vader hits his mark – as soon as he feels pussy wrapped around his cock he’s off like a hundred metre sprinter.  Fast and hard, pumping like a maniac.  His hindlegs scratching at her thighs and he tries to get deeper and deeper inside her wet human pussy.  She’s moaning and swearing from the first thrust.  Calling on him to “Fuck my tight pussy….  Fuck my cunt….  Oh yeah…  Oh yes, that’s it…  Like that…  Right there…  Keep going…  Keep going…”

Less than a minute and she’s cumming hard.  Screaming it out.  “I’m cumming, oh my fucking God I’m cumming…”  She straightens her back and comes upright, squeezing her tits as she comes up.  This pushes Vader away and he staggers around the room with a huge 9” boner bouncing between his legs.

As soon as Glenda has stopped shaking and realised that she’s forced the dog away, she resumes the position and pats her arse again.  “Come on boy, let’s have another…  Come and get yours…”

He mounts her again with ease, but getting his hard cock in her is going to be impossible for him by himself.  This time it’s Glenda who reaches back between her own thighs to take hold of his meat and guide it into hers.

Once again, he fucks her hard as soon as he feels her wrapped around his fat cock.  As he fucks her, she talks dirty to him, like he would understand.  “Fuck me like a bitch…  I’m your bitch… Yes I am…  I am your bitch…  Just a dirty fucking bitch for you to fuck…”

This time Vader ties into her before she can cum…  But his huge knot in her pussy, throbbing and squirting jism shots into her, is enough to send her to another climax.  This time straightening up doesn’t push Vader away, it just leads to him turning around and going butt-to-butt.  She squeals in pain as he moves, then settles down to catch her breath – the dog still locked in her cunt.

It’s an interesting site to say the least.  This 50 year old woman in great condition, ass-to-ass with this very hairy dog.  Joined together by nine inches of his cock and a knot the size of a large orange buried within her pussy.  The sweat flesh of her back and her ass is covered with dog hairs.  They are locked her like this for several minutes – her breathing hard and talking to him throughout.  “Is that nice?  Do you like my pussy?  I like your cock…  I LOVE your cock…”

Once Vader has finished filling her with his spunk he pulls free and wonders away.  She turns around and crawls after him, around the room, talking to him about how much she wants to suck his doggy cocky…  He sits on the floor and starts licking himself.  “You’re doing my job, Vader…  Bad doggy…  Sucking that tool clean is my job…”

And then she takes over – and as his cock fills her mouth she’s finally quiet for the first time since we met her.  Although between sucks she tells us how nasty it tastes – how disgusting it is…  Then goes back to sucking.  Gently fondling his balls as she sucks and licks his cock.  This time we can see clearly what’s going on – her taking his pinky-purple cock deep into her mouth, her lips closed around it, her eyes closed.  Smiling around that cock every time she opens her eyes and remembers the camera is there.

Finally, she’s curled up on the floor around the dog – her small boobs against his spine.  Her arms around his big hairy neck, rubbing her pussy against where his tail meets his back.  He’s fucked.  Panting hard, his tongue hanging out.  She still using him for her pleasure – and covering her swety body in yet more of his loose hairs.

“You’re amazing.  I want you all to myself.  I love you.”  Then to camera, “I think I really love him…  Can I buy him?  I never want to leave him.”

She means it.  One fuck and she’s truly deeply in love with this animal.  We’re getting another indication of why she can’t keep a man.  She’s full on.  All or nothing.  There’s no such thing as a one-night-stand, she’s utra-possessive.

Kevin tells her she’s welcome to come back any time she pleases.  She asks if she can move in.  Does he have a spare room.  Is he married?  He says she can’t, he doesn’t, and he isn’t.  She’s most disappointed.

Standing outside.  Fully dressed and looking a little sad, we say goodbye to Glenda.

Was it everything you imagined it would be?

“It was everything and more…  I’ve never had such an intense experience in my life.  It was amazing.”

Do you worry that people might think you’re strange when they see this?

“Everyone who knows me knows that I’m strange…  But they’ve probably think I’m even stranger now.”

What did you think of Vader?

“He was amazing.  He knew what he was doing.  It was like every time I wanted him to change angle or speed, he did.  I think we connected on a psychic level.  I think we’re meant to be together.”

The catch-up caption appears to let us know that Glenda returned to Londonderry but was released from her position at the resort the day the show went out.  She has since moved to Oldham and visits Vader regularly.

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